High Life (2019)

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In the future, death-row inmates are given the choice of either rotting in jail, or going up into space and participating in an experiment. One prisoner (Robert Pattinson) chooses the latter and is put on board a ship with a psychopathic doctor (Juliette Binoche), who is obsessed with creating a child through artificial insemination. It’s never revealed why she wants to do this since it’s never explicitly stated that humans can’t have children the old-fashioned way, but whatever. Sexual contact between the passengers is prohibited, which, as one might expect, drives certain people crazy. So crazy that, eventually, they start killing each other. In the end, Pattinson and his daughter, who was created by Binoche through very questionable means, are left alone on the shuttle, drifting through space. And… yeah. That’s it. Continue reading

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Dragged Across Concrete (2019)

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When they’re caught on tape crushing a handcuffed suspect’s face into the pavement, racist, corrupt police officers Mel Gibson and Vince Vaughn are put on unpaid leave. Enraged that “the entertainment industry, formerly known as the news” has treated them “unfairly,” and believing that they have “the skills and the right to acquire proper compensation” the men decide to follow a tip from one of their criminal connections and rip off a bank heist. Of course, everything goes south when the robbers kill the tellers and take a woman hostage so our “heroes” won’t have as easy of time stealing the gold they believe they’re entitled to. Will they make it out alive? Watch the movie to find out. (Or don’t. You’ll be fine if you skip this one). Continue reading

Dune (To Infinity Retrospective)

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Welcome back to the To Infinity Retrospective, a series I created in preparation for Star Wars 9. On the first day of each month, leading up till December, I’ll be reviewing a different Space Opera. Last month, I covered The Last Starfighter, a film which I consider to be an overlooked gem. This month, I’m tackling Dune, a movie that I’m… less excited for. What’s it about? Well… Continue reading

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

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25 years after a nanny made their lives whimsical, the Banks family has, once again, fallen on hard times. Michael, a widowed father of three, is struggling to keep the bank from repossessing his house, while his sister Jane, a labor organizer, is doing all she can to keep Michael from breaking down. Just when it seems like all hope is lost, Mary Poppins, the very same nanny who filled their lives with magic and musical numbers, descends from the heavens, intent on saving the family from despair with the power of song and dance. What else? Continue reading

Outlaw King (2018)

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In 1306, after a long and bloody war against the English, Robert Du Bruce and his fellow Scottish nobles surrender to King Edward I, and swear their endless, undying allegiance to him. Of course, Robert isn’t exactly enthusiastic about this, seeing as he views Edward as his mortal enemy, but he is pragmatic, and so accepts the latter’s rule, as well as a political marriage to the English noblewoman Elizabeth de Burgh. All seems well at first until news reaches Robert that William Wallace, a major leader in the rebellion who never surrendered, has been tortured and executed. Realizing that he must avenge the latter’s death, and gain Scotland’s independence, Robert sets about planning another campaign. In order for his plan to succeed, however, he must unite all of Scotland under one banner, and so declares himself King of Scots after, ahem, removing his chief rival for the throne. This leads to the English labeling him an outlaw, and even some of the other Scottish nobles turning on him. But Robert is determined and continues to fight for Scotland’s independence, even when he is seen as nothing more than an Outlaw with a crown. Will he succeed? Don’t ask me. Just watch the movie. Continue reading

Suspiria (2018)

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On a stormy day in 1977, Psychiatrist Josef Klemperer is confronted by one of his patients. The girl, Patricia Hingle, a student at the Markos Dance Academy, is distraught, and seemingly delusional, claiming that the school is run by a coven of witches. Klemperer doesn’t believe her at first, until Patricia goes missing. Meanwhile, a new student from America, Susie Bannion, arrives in Berlin, and, even though she has no formal dance training, quickly rises through the Academy’s ranks, securing the lead in the next performance. This catches the eye of Madame Blonc, the headmistress, who, along with her fellow witches, believes that Susie may be the perfect vessel for their leader, Helena Markos. So they set about preparing susie for her eventual takeover, giving her special training, feeding her specific foods, but when the time finally comes, things don’t turn out how they hoped. Continue reading

The Little Stranger (2018)

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In 1947, Dr. Faraday, a humble country physician, is summoned to Hunter’s Hall, the Opulent Estate of the Ayers family. Faraday went there once when he was a child, and has not been back since. As such, he is shocked to see that the Estate has grown decrepit in his absence, and the Ayers family have fallen on hard times. He learns that they’ve lost all their money, and are looking to sell the land in order to pay off their debts. More disturbing than that, he discovers that the son, Roderick, a former RAF Pilot, is suffering, not just from PTSD, but what appears to be a ghostly haunting as well. Things slowly, and I mean slowly, devolve from there, with Rod getting committed to an insane asylum, Mrs. Ayers committing suicide, and Caroline, the daughter and Faraday’s love interest, slowly losing her mind.
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