(Grrrrrrrrrr!) Welcome to the To Infinity Retrospective, a series I created in preparation for Rise Of Skywalker. At the start of each month (Agh!) I review a different space opera (Shit!). And today (snarl!) we’ll be taking a look at the 2012 Disney film John Carter. What’s it about?
John Carter is a Civil War vet, who’s lost all taste for battle. So much so that when the army try to recruit him, he runs away, and stumbles into a cave. There he encounters an oddly dressed man, who utters some words that transport them both to Mars, which is not, as it turns out, a lifeless desert. There are actually quite a few people on the red planet, including two warring cities of humanoid red Martians, and a race of four armed green Martians. Something else John wasn’t expecting was the fact that, due to Mars’s low gravity and his more dense bone structure, he can jump high, and is super strong. This makes him a valuable military asset, and soon, all the Martian civilizations are trying to recruit him, much to John’s chagrin.
Since its release, and devastating failure, John Carter has largely been forgotten. If it’s remembered at all, it’s either regarded as an example of a huge bomb for Disney, or as proof of Hollywood’s fiscal conservatism. Studios are terrified of losing money, and so will invest in anything, even a pulp novel from 1912, that’s got name recognition. Although, in fairness to both John Carter and its director, Andrew Stanton, that’s not what happened. Stanton, the man behind Finding Nemo, was a fan of the books, and petitioned to get the rights. Due to his prior success, he was able to make the film exactly how he wanted. And to his credit, the movie does look amazing.
Unfortunately, good intentions and good visuals don’t make a good movie, and, having seen John Carter, I get why it bombed. It’s too long, has a completely miscast lead, and worst of all, it’s confusing; unbelievably confusing. There are so many subplots, from a power struggle within the green Martian ranks, to a red Martian princess escaping an arranged marriage, to a secret society of wizards manipulating everything, that it just becomes overwhelming. And because you’re overwhelmed, you wind up not caring about John at all. And speaking of John, Taylor Kitsch stars in the title role, and is terrible. He’s got no charisma, and just snarls his way through every scene. So when you combine all this together, the miscast lead, the confusing plot, you get a visually stunning but uninteresting space opera. Which is a shame, because the John Carter books have had a huge impact on science fiction, influencing such filmmakers as James Cameron. If you want some pretty visuals, and to see where the seeds of Avatar were first planted, maybe give this a look. But don’t go in expecting a coherent plot or good acting.
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