Phantom Thread (2017)

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In 1950s England, Reynolds Woodcock is the world’s most sought after dress maker. He and his sister, Cyril, make gowns for royals, movie stars, and millionaires. Over the years, Reynolds has slept with countless women, all of whom he discarded after they began to get on his nerves. Now, though, he has met someone new; Elsa, a maid from somewhere in mainland Europe. And even though they fight constantly, Reynolds can’t bring himself to leave her. And Elsa, for her part, won’t let him go.

Guys, I’m just gonna go ahead and say it; I didn’t care for this movie. As a matter of fact, at one point near the beginning, I almost fell asleep. This is a very long–it’s 130 minutes–very bland movie where not much happens. 90% of it is characters sitting at a table, eating in utter silence, or fitting people with dresses. And when something does happen, like when Reynolds decides to steal a dress he made back from a client, those things come so far out of left field that you’re left feeling totally perplexed. Now, granted, this is all very much in keeping with the writer/director, Paul Thomas Anderson’s, style. In case you don’t know who that is, he’s a director who made films like Boogie Nights and There Will Be Blood. His pictures are notorious for being very light on actual plot, and very heavy on weird characters doing weird things. Phantom Thread continues that tradition. And if you are a fan of his, you will love this movie, and nothing I say will change your mind. As for me, I found this to be one of the dullest films of the year. And unlike other dull films I saw in 2017, like A Ghost Story, or Downsizing, there’s not at least a cool, out of the box concept to at least keep you invested. Here, it’s literally just a dude and a woman trying to have a relationship when both of them are kind of assholes. That’s it.

Now, I wanna be fair and talk about some good qualities in this flick, because there are some. The acting is good, the cinematography is beautiful, and the score is very nice. This is a competently-crafted movie. But the story is so boring, the characters are so bland, and the runtime is so long, that you just don’t care about any of those technical achievements. So, for that reason, I say, don’t go out and see this one. If you like artsy movies, or PT Anderson, you might get something out of this, but not me.

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